Taxes, Death and . . . Easter Grass?

Everyone knows the phrase, “The only things that are certain are death and taxes,” is used when discussing events that will go on forever.  To those two, I would like to add Easter grass, for it also is eternal.

It is already the middle of September, nearly five full months since Easter passed, yet that does not seem to matter to the Easter grass. It is still hanging around. I cannot believe it.

It has become a joke in our house. Some how, some way, it seems about once a month or so, a piece of Easter grass adheres to the bottom of my foot as I am walking around the house. I run to find my wife now to show her (for some reason, this does not happen to her). I exclaim, “Mary, you won’t believe it. There is a piece of …” She interrupts and shouts back, “Easter grass!” I respond, “Yes, Mary, yes and it is stuck to my foot!” We laugh about it and I swear to her that I will never use Easter grass again, even though I know I probably will.

Easter grass is just simply amazing. It has reached the point where I am just totally astounded and in awe of its absolute resilience.

How does it stick around for so long? Where does it hide? Why does it only come out every once in a while? Why does only one piece come out at a time?

To most everyone, Easter grass is just fake cut plastic that you fill a basket with for your children once a year. Yet, there are three important lessons we can learn from the Easter grass.

One, don’t give too much of yourself at once, people will just be overwhelmed by that. Parcel yourself out and give a little bit each time, spread over the course of lifetime (I think the lifespan of Easter grass has to be at least 400 years).

Two, hang in there despite the odds. We have vacuumed the house dozens of times since Easter and we have one of those fancy Dyson “It-doesn’t-lose-suction” vacuums; yet, the Easter grass has the sheer tenacity to still be around. One cannot help but be impressed.

Lastly, it might be a small thing and it might even annoy you, but if you find the humor in it, that’s all that matters in the end. For a month after Easter, it drove me nuts. Now, I just can’t help but laugh (while still being totally astonished by it).

For most of my life, when someone asked me to list three things that we could count on forever, I could only think of the two — death and taxes. Now I know what my third thing is — it is Easter grass.

I can step on it from one Easter to the next. I could probably step on it for the next 400 years if death wasn’t one of the three things on the list. That truly is miraculous.

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6 responses to “Taxes, Death and . . . Easter Grass?

  1. Hey John, I just found my last piece of Easter grass from over a year ago just before this past Easter! I haven’t found any since though but the kids missed about 10 eggs this year! It was cold and rainy and the Easter bunny hid them well in our house and didn’t stick to just a couple of rooms but hid them everywhere! I got to eat most of those. That should have been a Seinfeld show!

    • Vantage Point Productions

      Mrs. Auckly,

      That would have made for a great Seinfeld episode! I think a lot of people would have got it (anyone who uses Easter grass, anyway!). It is crazy.

      Mary and I are going to use different color Easter grass this year so we will know whether the piece that is stuck to my foot in November some time is from 2009 or 2010! LOL! That is Mary’s brilliant idea!

      VP

  2. You are so right about Easter Grass! In the same vein, that seems to happen in my house with Christmas tree icicles– those little silvery shreds you cover your tree with? One year we brought down some really old Christmas decorations from the attic that hadn’t been used for 50 years, and shreds of that tinsel were still clinging to them, and we concluded that they were probably lead-based, as most things were in the 50s.

    • Vantage Point Productions

      Molly,

      Hello! Thanks for reading and commenting! I really enjoyed your articles. Anyway, you are so right about the tinsel! It is very similar to Easter grass. We must use less of it, though, because it has not been quite as tenacious!

      It is also totally crazy that so much stuff people used in the past was just plain poisonous.

      VP

  3. I was going to go buy grass seed later this morning. A yearly ritual. Next year – after Easter when the stuff is on clearance – I am going to buy an acre’s worth of Easter grass. I will push one end into the ground, strand by strand, until I have replaced my high-maintenance, weed-prone, chemical-sucking, mow-demanding, leaf-collecting grass lawn with a 400+ year Easter grass lawn. I will be the hero to the neighborhood kids! Speaking of the kids, while there won’t be any chocolate Easter bunnies in the yard, there will likely be chocolate Easter bunny pellets found around the garden from time to time. And on a related note, I give you “Dumb and Dumber” – your Easter grass story reminded me of this: http://www.richsoil.com/lawn/god.jsp

    • Vantage Point Productions

      Robb,

      I think an Easter grass lawn is a fantastic idea, like AstroTurf, only cheaper! I wish I had thought of that. Then, I would understand where it was coming from when I had a piece stuck to my foot!

      Plus, I love the link. I had never thought of it like that, yet it is so true and funny. Thanks for sharing, Robb!

      VP

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